Thursday, July 12, 2012

Work travel FAIL

Well, it finally came. My first business trip 7.5 weeks after surgery. It was from NJ to TX just for Wed-Fri. I'd been on an emotional roller coaster lately (as you know), and finding myself wanting food for comfort - mostly resisting, but some days with higher-than-average calories (700s instead of 500s). On top of that, this week I'm dealing with the eviction of my tenants in a rental property (who are $6000 behind on rent), and I decided to end a friendship with a man who I love dearly (after two two-hour conversations, some tears, and the confirmation that this man loves me and thinks about a relationship with me - but isn't ready when I am, I decided it wasn't healthy for me to stay in the friendship).

Needless to say, I'm having a bit of a tough time. Nothing melt-down-ish, but just not really myself. I got more hesitant about the trip in the days leading up, but decided it was something I needed to try out since I have a 12-day international trip (a mix of business and pleasure) coming up in three weeks.

I'm at my company's conference center with tons of free food available everywhere. The upside is that there are plenty of healthy appropriate options. I haven't gone off the rails with my options, but the quantity is definitely more than normal. I'm also withdrawn - not really interested in connecting with people, eating by myself, eating back in my room, etc. Not good.

Today was morning protein shake, half greek yogurt snack, turkey chili for lunch, 1 oz of sharp cheddar for snack, protein shake, then dinner which was basically one or two bites of cheese, hummus, fish, bacon, shrimp, and pistachios. At no point did I feel sick or did I eat too fast, but an hour after dinner I still have that full feeling that I'm so familiar with from pre-surgery.

I'm getting used to not being hungry, and trying to learn to use my eyes to measure what I really need (and MFP to confirm), and so it's been a while since I've really had that full feeling...because THERE'S NO REASON I NEED TO BE THAT FULL. It makes me mad at myself that I can't just enjoy a couple bites and let it go. And scares me that in this two days of weakness my sleeve seems to be allowing additional quantity.

Tonight I decided that I'm not in enough control to be here yet. I've changed my flight to leave in the morning and miss the 2nd day of the training to get back home to my comfort zone. That equally scares me since I've got a big trip coming up in a few weeks.

I do have confidence that when I'm back in my element I will revert back to my good habits. But my lifestyle and my job involves frequent travel, and I'm worried that I'm going back to my pre-surgery ways where travel = "vacation mindset" = no regard for what I'm eating. That really helped get me into a bad spot before.

So, while I've been doing lots of work at home about trying to seek things other than food to soothe me, to keep me busy, etc. (and having mis-steps, but doing well on the hole), it appears this is a new fronteir that I haven't conquered yet. I made an attempt, learned some things, but I'm going to get myself out of this environment to regain control...and try again another day.

Interested to see what this looks like on the scale when I get home. Hate to think I lost an opportunity for weight loss this week for 24 hours of bad behavior.

<sigh>

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